How to Help Kids Grow at Home and in Sports
As parents and caregivers, we want kids to feel good about themselves. We want them to keep trying, even when things are hard. One great way to help is by teaching kids to have a growth mindset.
A growth mindset means believing you can get better at things. You get better by trying hard and practicing. A fixed mindset is different. It means thinking you are either good or bad at something and that you can't change it. The things kids hear at home can shape the way they think about themselves.
What Is the Difference?Kids with a fixed mindset might say things like:
"I'm bad at making friends."
"I always mess up."
"I can't do this."
When kids think this way, they may give up when things get hard. They might be afraid to try new things.
Kids with a growth mindset think differently. They might say:
"I'm still learning."
"Mistakes help me grow."
"I can't do this yet."
In a home with a growth mindset, it's okay to make mistakes. Trying hard matters more than being perfect.
Why Does This Matter?Kids are not born knowing how to handle their feelings or get along with others. They learn these skills over time. When families use a growth mindset at home, kids are more likely to:
Stay calm when they feel upset
Bounce back after making a mistake
Feel more sure of themselves
Try new things, like joining a group or talking to someone new
Keep going when something is tough
How Families Can Help at HomePraise effort, not just results. Instead of only saying "Great job!" try saying:
"You worked really hard on that."
"I noticed you didn't give up."
"You kept trying even when it was hard."
This helps kids see that trying matters.
Talk about mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes - even grown-ups! Try saying things like, "I made a mistake today, but I learned from it," or “I was frustrated earlier so I took a break. Once I was calm, I tried again.” When kids see adults handle mistakes calmly, they learn to do the same.
Use the word "yet." If a child says, "I can't do this," help them say instead, "I can't do this yet." That one small word helps kids see that they can keep growing.
How Sports Can Build a Growth MindsetPlaying sports gives kids chances to practice being a good teammate, handling feelings, and not giving up. But sports can also bring hard moments.
Kids with a fixed mindset in sports might say:
"I'm just not good at sports."
"I'll never be as good as the other kids."
"If I mess up, everyone will see."
These thoughts can make kids want to quit. They may be afraid to try.
Kids with a growth mindset know that skills take time to build. Practice and effort make you better.
How Families Can Support Kids in SportsAsk about effort, not the score. After a game or practice, try asking:
"What did you work hard on today?"
"What did you get better at?"
"What did you learn?"
This helps kids see that growing matters more than winning.
Make mistakes okay. Every athlete makes mistakes. Missing a shot, falling, or losing a game is part of learning. Kids need to hear:
"Everyone makes mistakes."
"You're getting better."
"One mistake doesn't define you."
When adults stay calm after mistakes, kids learn to stay calm too.
Avoid labels. Try not to say things like "You're the athletic one," or "Your sister is better at this." These words can put pressure on kids. Instead, talk about things like hard work, being a good teammate, and not giving up.
Help kids handle big feelings. Sports can bring up strong feelings like frustration, excitement, and disappointment. These are great chances to practice healthy coping skills. You can help your kids:
Take deep breaths after a mistake
Think before reacting
Lose gracefully
Cheer on their teammates
These are skills they will use for the rest of their lives.
Be a good example on the sidelines. Kids watch how adults act during games. When adults yell or focus only on winning, kids may start to feel their worth depends on how they play. Instead, cheer for effort, stay positive, and show good sportsmanship.
Helping kids build a growth mindset doesn't mean they'll never struggle. It means they'll learn that struggles don't last forever. With love, encouragement, and patience, families can help kids believe in themselves - at home, in school, and on the field.